Tuesday, September 22, 2026
Disintegrating Professor Gives Mitch McConnell-Esque Peace Sign Before Prelim
OP-ED: I Right You Wrong Here Why
CTB Barista Announces “Big Fat Chungus Sweetberry Surprise” is Ready at the Bar
Mirror Tired of Hearing “I Am A Unique, Talented Writer” Every Morning From Daily Sun Journalist

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
Disintegrating Professor Gives Mitch McConnell-Esque Peace Sign Before Prelim
OP-ED: I Right You Wrong Here Why
CTB Barista Announces “Big Fat Chungus Sweetberry Surprise” is Ready at the Bar
Mirror Tired of Hearing “I Am A Unique, Talented Writer” Every Morning From Daily Sun Journalist

CU Nooz

Random Nooz
Headlines

Disintegrating Professor Gives Mitch McConnell-Esque Peace Sign Before Prelim

OP-ED: I Right You Wrong Here Why

CTB Barista Announces “Big Fat Chungus Sweetberry Surprise” is Ready at the Bar

Mirror Tired of Hearing “I Am A Unique, Talented Writer” Every Morning From Daily Sun Journalist

Sprint Football Loses to Faster, More Reliable Verizon Football 

Rush Hashanah

Rush Hashanah!: Fraternity Acknowledges High Holidays by Ensuring All Cocaine is Kosher

Mama’s Cleverest Boy Stumped by Strange Clothes-Washing Machine

Cornell Republican Sheds Red Nose and Polka Dot Romper, Slinks into Suit for Rare ClubFest Metamorphosis

English Department Receives $12 Grant

Level B ‘Underage Tuesdays’ Sees Commercial Success, Legal Ramifications

mitch mcconnell

Disintegrating Professor Gives Mitch McConnell-Esque Peace Sign Before Prelim

Nooz Staff02 mins

IVES HALL—Students in ILRID 2610 were seen surrounding the doors of Ives Hall this morning, hoping to solicit a comment from Professor Mitchell Crenshaw ahead of the class’s 7:00 PM prelim. Sources report that the decrepit professor, forgoing a verbal response, extended one shaky, liver-spotted hand and unfolded two creaking fingers to form a peace…

Read Full News

Mitch McConnell Desperately Trying to Fill Sotomayor’s Vacant Seat Before She Returns From Cornell

Nooz Staff02 mins

RUSSELL SENATE OFFICE BUILDING—Following Sonia Sotomayor’s absence from the Supreme Court to speak at Cornell, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has been frantically attempting to push through a new judicial confirmation before the Associate Justice returns on Friday. “The American people elected this President and this Congress to appoint conservatives to every Supreme Court vacancy,…

Read Full News