Absolutely Zero Chance Of McGraw Tower Catastrophically Falling Onto Ho Plaza And Rolling Down the Slope, Announces Administration In Unprompted Statement
MCGRAW TOWER—In response to a complete absence of student concern, Cornell administration announced this morning that there was absolutely no chance of McGraw Tower toppling down atop Ho Plaza before tumbling down the slope. The statement assured that such an event, which would transform the university’s iconic clocktower into a musical human steamroller, certainly would…