Unidentified Loud Noise Makes Library Patrons Turn Heads Briefly

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URIS LIBRARY – Students were temporarily distracted from studying when a loud thud echoed through the cocktail lounge today, taking their focus away from prelims for about ten seconds. “What was that?” mumbled Kerry Thomas ’18 to herself, who was finishing a problem set for her physics class at the Read More

As Flu Season Ramps Up, Gannet Recommends Not Sneezing Into People’s Mouths

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HEALTH SERVICES – To help students stay healthy, health professionals at Gannett Health Services have released recommendations for avoiding the flu, encouraging those on campus to avoid sneezing into each other’s mouths as often as possible. “We recommend washing your hands regularly,” said Gannett physician Dr. Martin Trombly, “as well Read More

OP-ED: I Voted ‘No’ to Free Tampons Because the Only Basic Right That Women Need Is Free Popcorn

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Today, voting closed on Student Assembly Referendum 30, which would allow free tampons and pads in campus bathrooms. Despite undeniable support from the female population at Cornell, I decided to vote no. With tuition rising by the day, it’s not Cornell’s job to give free handouts to it’s students, unless Read More

Government Major Convinced He Would Probably Be Great President

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GOLDWIN SMITH HALL — Admitting that it will probably happen in his bright future, Government major Conrad Davis ’17 is convinced that he could actually be a great president someday. “I know it’s a long shot, but I’d do a good job,” Davis said, his voice resonating with the leadership Read More

Professor to Start Posting Links on Blackboard

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MCGRAW HALL – After recommendations from his students and the administration, Professor Desmond Wallace, anthropology, has decided to start posting his articles on Blackboard. “I suppose you can say I’ve emerged from the Stone Age, per se,” said Wallace, as he proudly wrote out the hyperlinks to the online reading Read More

Concert Commission: “This Jerkface Artist Canceled the Homecoming Concert We Definitely Planned”

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A message from the Cornell Concert Commission We, the Cornell Concert Commission, regret to inform the Cornell community that the jerkface artist we scheduled to play at the homecoming concert we definitely planned canceled on us. We are as shocked as you are. We were very excited to announce that Read More