OP-ED: Looks Like the Anti-Semitic Club Is Off to a Rocky Fucking Start

Photo from the Cornell Daily Sun DUFFIELD HALL— Clearly knowing jack shit about its audience, the Solar Cross Society just advertised anti-semitism to a campus full of Jews. Way to start recruitment on the worst fucking foot! In a student body that’s 59.3% non-white and 21% Jewish, who do these Read More

New SA Rep Unsure Whether to Focus on Combatting Racism or Adding Forks to RPCC

WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Student Assembly Freshman Representative Maria Solis ‘21 is reportedly deciding between looking to identify and implement solutions that fight all forms of racism and bigotry on campus, or to lobby for a 7% increase in forks at Robert Purcell Marketplace Eatery. “Both issues are critically and equally important Read More

Cornell Quarterback Takes Knee To Run Out Clock

SCHOELLKOPF FIELD—With five seconds left in the first half of today’s game against Harvard, quarterback Logan Moore ‘19 showed solidarity with African American victims of police brutality by taking a knee on his own three-yard line. “The entire stadium was silent. Of course, that’s pretty on par for a Cornell Read More

Apple Fest To Offer Apple-Scented Candles for Sad Fasting Jews

THE COMMONS—To accommodate those observing Yom Kippur this Saturday, Ithaca’s 35th Apple Fest will offer apple-scented candles for sad fasting Jews. “We’re happy to satisfy all religious needs,” said community organizer Lori White with a welcoming smile. “There’s nothing like smelling the essence of what everyone else is blissfully eating Read More

SA Election Frontrunner Prepared to Accomplish Absolutely Nothing

ITHACA, NY — In a statement released this morning, a frontrunner in the Undergraduate Student Assembly’s Fall 2017 Election has declared that they are eager to accomplish absolutely nothing during their time in the position. “I’m just so grateful that the community wants me to take on this exciting, debatably-influential Read More

Arizona Student Remarks on Difference Between Humidity and Dry Heat for Fifth Fucking Time

ARTS QUAD—Adding to his friends’ goddamn never ending list of complaints about the recent hot weather, Daniel Brenner ‘21 remarked on the difference between Ithaca’s humidity and the hot, arid climate of his hometown in Arizona for the fifth fucking time this week. “I would take 100 degrees and dry Read More

OP-ED: I Don’t Know That Much About Greek Life, But Now That I Have Your Attention, Could You Take A Look At My Rash?

Hey there! Bet you saw the words “greek life” in the title and thought, “lookie here, another think piece weighing in on the current active discourse,” but nope, I don’t have much to say about Greek Life at all. But now that I have your attention, could you take a Read More

Professor Burkhauser to Teach Econ 1110 at White House

MVR HALL—PAM Professor Emeritus Richard Burkhauser recently accepted a new academic position at the White House, where he will teach introductory microeconomics to the freshman administration. “I can’t wait to teach the fundamentals of conservative economics to a new batch of students, who will hopefully use those ideas when they Read More