Prelim Not Ready for You Either

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CALL AUDITORIUM—A mere five weeks after the commencement of Spring semester, the BioEE 1780 Preliminary Exam found itself being passed out to 229 students in Call Auditorium.  It had only just dawned upon the Prelim that these bright-eyed faces were waiting to scratch their threateningly sharp pencils on its freshly Read More

Cornell University Suspended For Hazing Fraternities

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DAY HALL – Cornell University was informed this morning that it will be placed under interim suspension for “credible evidence” of hazing fraternities, with actions such as “frequent suspensions” being reported. “We believe that Cornell has broken numerous rules in the way they are dealing with fraternities on campus, and Read More

IknowagirlJanet Whosthebestlittleontheplanet Reported Missing

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NORTH CAMPUS – A somber mood has struck the Cornell campus today as student IknowagirlJanet Whosthebestlittleontheplanet has been reported as missing. Local authorities have been asking members of the surrounding community if they’ve seen Ms. Whosthebestlittleontheplanet, who was last seen on Facebook two days ago but has never been seen Read More

Local Kindergartners Join Health Fee Protest

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DAY HALL —  President Skorton was surprised Monday to discover dozens of small children sitting in Day Hall joining the protest of Cornell’s newly-instituted health fee. The grumpy five- and six-year-olds stood alongside their articulate, college-age peers at the organized occupation of the University’s administrative offices to have their shrill Read More

Kung Fu Tea Hopes to Capture Bubble Tea Market on South Side of Dryden Road between College and Eddy

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COLLEGETOWN- Bubble tea specialty drink chain Kung Fu Tea recently opened a franchise at 143 Dryden Road in Collegetown in hopes of cashing in on the hoards of bubble tea fans on the south side of Dryden between College Avenue and Eddy Street. “I can’t count the number of times Read More