IVES HALL—This Slope Day, rap and pop music icon Flo Rida racked up a shocking 1.5 hour wait for his arrival at the Slope due to a rigorous prep schedule, vocal exercises, and getting miserably lost in the ILR building.
The morning of May 8, excited for his Cornell debut, Mr. Rida woke up extra early, deciding to explore the campus in order to be more one with the students for his performance. However, on the map that his manager gave him, he regrettably forgot to change the spelling of ILR to “DNE”(Do not enter). Mr. Rida, oblivious to the horrors that lay before him, foolishly stepped foot onto the firs-seco-third floor? Who knows actually. As he wandered from Catherwood library to the next first-seco-third floor and stared at the dark brick walls with academic posters surrounding him, he realized this was indeed a place to be…educated, and was not as party rock as he had hoped. Saddened by this knowledge, he decided to leave, but little did he know he was about to embark on an impossible journey. He would soon be rephrasing his famous line, “What’s a party without shots” to “What’s a building with no exits.”
He frantically ran with swagger, but with each exit leading to another dimension, he soon started to lose any remaining Good Feelings™. Sadly all students had fled to the slope for the day, so there was not a soul to help him. Just as he was prepared to admit defeat, he was hit with a stroke of genius; he called up his favorite Flo Rida impersonator friend whose specialties include bringing people on stage to wish them happy birthday, asking people to “make some noise” and “take 3 steps back.” Perfect! He thought to himself, the kids are going to love this. No longer needed at the Slope, he proceeded to imbue the PepsiCo Auditorium with Whistles of his greatest hits, left to ride out baby ride out his days until the next ILR final.
Like This!