Author Archives: Nooz Staff

Enthusiastic A Capella VP of Operations Just Wants to be Liked

Photo by Bowen Hou

URIS HALL— The VP of Operations for Cornell’s Scales Acapella, Crystal Rojas ’21, confirmed she just wants people to like her, showing her love with twelve reminder emails about her survey. “I’m so grateful to be on E-board, and even happier to be your friend,” said Rojas, completely unaware of Read More

Devoted Cornell Hockey Fan Confused why Lynah Parking Lot Was Full on Sunday

Boris Tsang/Cornell Daily Sun

LYNAH RINK—During last Sunday’s ECAC Women’s Hockey Championship, dedicated Cornell hockey fan Dylan Holmes ‘20 was utterly bewildered as to why the Lynah Rink parking garage was full despite there not being a single men’s hockey game scheduled. “It was crazy. Maybe there was a baseball tournament or something? I Read More

Generous Professor Won’t Make You Buy Books, As Long As You Print 5,000 Pages of Readings

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Introduction to American Government professor Don Goodin has magnanimously introduced a policy of no required books, instead providing thousands of pages of online reading that must be printed. The generosity has not gone unnoticed by students. “Professor Goodin really gets that some students just can’t afford all the Read More

EDM Fan Pissed She Can’t Complain About Slope Day Artist This Year

COLLEGETOWN PLAZA—After weeks of anticipation for being able to complain to everyone she talks to about the upcoming Slope Day artist, EDM fan Tina Neves ‘20 was devastated to learn the concert will be headlined by Steve Aoki, an artist she is actually excited to see. “I can’t fucking believe Read More

Student Won’t Stop Bragging About his Back of Mezzanine Tickets for Eric Andre

STATLER HALL— After spending his entire 10:10 class waiting in a digital queue to get mezzanine seat 18E for Eric Andre’s upcoming show, Ben Kilbourne ‘21 reportedly “won’t shut the fuck up” about his sucessful purchase of single ticket. “All these losers are posting on Facebook about how they missed Read More

Student a New Man After Four-Day February Break

COLLEGETOWN—After four of the most invigorating days of his life, Angelo Larusso ‘20 has returned to a snowy Ithaca campus a new man. “My perspective completely changed over the nearly three-quarters of a week I was away,” Larusso said, his face now illuminated by a sun-kissed glow and his hair Read More

Professor Wants Everyone To Succeed Unless They’re Dumb

KENNEDY HALL— After handing back her first set of prelims this semester, Linguistics Professor Margret Coleman took the opportunity to remind the class she was committed to helping every student in the class succeed, so long as they aren’t stupid. “I noticed some of you had trouble with certain key Read More

Student Forgets iClicker, Confident He Can Download, Set up Mobile App Before Question Closes

URIS G01—After facing an iClicker question in lecture and realizing he left his iClicker at home, Chad Morrison ‘22 began the process of purchasing the Reef app, confident he could set everything up before the question closed. “Yeah, it shouldn’t be too hard,” Morrison said. “Eduroam is pretty fast in Read More