Cornell Football Player Drafted to NFL Proves that Coaches Should Be Tested for Brain Damage Too

SCHOELLKOPF FIELD—Last week, a Cornell alumni was drafted to the NFL during the league’s 2024 draft. Following the development, NFL health scientists have begun to test coaches for brain damage too.

“We found significant lapses in judgment within the upper cortex of our coach, John Ray,” said Dr. Flora Norman, a concussion specialist for the Kansas City Chiefs, “and then it all started to make sense.”

The research found that Coach Ray had intended to draft Charlie Stevens, a senior at Yale University, but had a brain fart and called up Charles Stevens ‘23 instead. Gaffes like this are typical in concussion patients, Dr. Norman says.

“When you become concussed, you lose the ability to utilize important information stored in your brain,” she said. “This is why Coach Ray drafted a student from Cornell University, who won five games during his college career.”

Coach Ray will be out for the upcoming season and has been advised to avoid bright screens, loud music, and large social gatherings. 

When asked for comment, Ray defended his choice, arguing that a 0-0 record for the 2024-2025 season “isn’t so bad.”

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