EDDY STREET—There is little more sacred and unchanging in this world than the duty of a new Fraternity Pledge to clean up after a party. Unfortunately for Hayden Mendoza ‘27, his fraternity decided to end the year with a “tropical-themed” bash.
As soon as the stumbling mass of Hawaiian shirts faded into the distance, Mendoza was handed a shovel.
“I thought I could be done in a few hours,” Mendoza started as he filled the first bucket in the rental truck. “It seemed like every time I turned around, more sand would just appear out of nowhere!”
Just when Mendoza thought his eternal punishment couldn’t get any worse, the sky opened up, and rain poured down on the pitiful creature, damning him to the 9th circle of brotherhood Hell.
“What are they even planning on doing with three tons of used sand contaminated with Keystone Light?” Mendoza asked as he caught his breath. “Where exactly is this truck going?”
Fraternity leadership declined to answer these compelling questions, leaving Mendoza to philosophize the fruits of his suffering on his own.
Mendoza, along with other freshmen in the Greek Life community, continue to toil away, although progress has yet to be seen. While students love a good tropical party, Mendoza hopes future partygoers will consider the true cost of simulating a beach day in the backyard of a frat house.
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