Tag Archives: campus life

Entomology Department Introduces Therapy Bees to Provide Emotional Support During Prelim Season

WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL – To address student mental health concerns during prelim season, the Entomology Department has begun hosting animal therapy sessions in Willard Straight Hall with gigantic, droning swarms of bees. Department chair Bryan Danforth cited the short supply of therapy dogs on campus as inspiration for the idea.“We Read More

Dick Cheney Required To Pass Intro To Handgun Safety Before Speech

Update: The former Vice President’s speech has been postponed due to him accidentally shooting the instructor and failing the class. STATLER AUDITORIUM—In anticipation of Dick Cheney’s visit to campus, the University has required the former Vice President to successfully complete PE 1515: Introduction to Handgun Safety before being cleared to Read More

Professor Bans Graphing Calculators During Prelims, Says Nothing About Rotisserie Chicken

ROCKEFELLER HALL – In an attempt to prevent his students from cheating, Physics Professor Karl Nussbaum has banned the use of advanced calculators on his exams, although he surprisingly has said nothing about the use of rotisserie chicken. “When Professor Nussbaum said that graphing calculators were not allowed, everyone in Read More

Five Missing in Amazon After Latest IFC Jungle Juice Gathering Expedition

AMAZON RAINFOREST, BRAZIL—Tragedy struck the IFC last week when five students failed to return from the organization’s annual mission to collect the increasingly scarce jungle juice. “While we mourn the loss of our fellow brothers, we know their tragedy was not in vain. Each cooler we fill with the sweet Read More

Cornell Health Recommends Getting Flu Out of the Way Now Before Prelims Start

Vas Mathur / Cornell Daily Sun

CORNELL HEALTH—On Wednesday, Cornell Health officials released a statement to the university suggesting that students contract flu now to get it out of their system before prelim season. “We just think that you might as well get that out of your way before the semester really picks up,” says Kathy Read More