BAILEY HALL – On Saturday, Slope Day organizers aimed to distract the Cornell community from the recent student housing catastrophe by revealing the long-awaited Slope Day Lineup. However, this announcement was received poorly by some community members, who viewed the organizers’ decision to bring Flo Rida of “My House” fame to campus as a cruel act of poor taste.
“It’s just so difficult to separate the art from the artist when he makes it the chorus of his awesome song,” began recently unhoused Sarah Davis ‘27. “Mr. Rida has clearly never experienced the horrors of an empty Cornell housing portal. There are plenty of us who ‘don’t like to go out,’ that have recently lost that privilege, and now have no choice but to stay out. I just can’t believe the programming board would add salt to the wound by inviting someone so out-of-touch with their suffering students.”
Lucas Campbell ‘27 was luckier than many of his peers, managing to secure housing in a Schuyler House forced-triple. While this new Schuyler resident will be able to relate to Flo Rida’s hit come Slope Day, he says he has recently struggled to sing along without shedding a tear.
When asked which artists the new Cornell unhoused community would have preferred, Davis suggested Ed Sheeran, whose woeful music reflects his turbulent years on the streets of England.
“Sheeran gets it. The only thing worse than being unhoused at Cornell is being unhoused and surrounded by British people…” Davis explained with a noticeable shudder.
Flo Rida’s refrain states that “sometimes you gotta stay in,” but for those with nowhere to stay, who will not “know where [they] live,” until August, Rida’s words are daggers piercing their fragile hearts. As the catchy tune resonates across the slope this May, it is imperative that audience members check on their suffering, unhoused friends.
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