Construction

Brace Faced Nerd Clocktower to Wear Headgear All Summer

Nooz Staff6 months ago1 month ago02 mins

MCGRAW TOWER—Despite hoping for a fresh-faced, clean-toothed summer, McGraw Tower ‘1891 recently discovered it must spend Slope Day with its headgear still intact. This news came as a shock to the Cornell community, who now had no choice but to see the clocktower as a massive geek. According to Orthodontist John Stern, Tower possesses “teeth…

Clock Tower Scaffolding Set to Swallow Sun, Desecrate All that is Holy

Nooz Staff1 year ago1 month ago02 mins

Alas! Martha Pollack hath revealed the purpose behind the ever-growing clocktower scaffolding. The construction shall never end so long as the sun still shines and the Cayuga lake runs blue of water and not red of blood. In an official statement on Monday, Pollack restated her commitment to the end of days cause. “The scaffolding…

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Brace Faced Nerd Clocktower to Wear Headgear All Summer

Clock Tower Scaffolding Set to Swallow Sun, Desecrate All that is Holy