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April 2, 2026
  • Engineering School Phoenix Rises From the Asbestos
  • “But Promise You Won’t Be Mad If I Tell You?” Slope Day Committee Announces Artist Lineup
  • Club Members Force Feed Students 20 Cold Chicken Sandwiches to Meet Fundraiser Quota
  • Idiot Professor Points to Blank Screen After iPad Shuts Off
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  • “What Are You Talking About? Slope Day Just Happened”: Administration Tries New Tactic After Failing to Source Replacement Artist

    11 months ago
  • Two Birds, One Stone! Jerry from Craigslist Booked as Slope Day Headliner, Convocation Speaker

    11 months ago11 months ago
  • Circle of Elders Regales Freshmen With Stories of the Before-Times When the Clocktower Was Free

    11 months ago6 months ago
  • Girl Power! Group of Girlies Take Elevator Up to 7th Floor of Olin

    11 months ago11 months ago
  • EDITORIAL | Nooz Will Endorse You For Student Assembly, Dependent On How Willing You Are To Push Our Interests

    12 months ago12 months ago
  • “Hi, Mind If We Ask You a Quick Question?” Admitted Student’s Family Member Somehow Inside of Your Room

    12 months ago12 months ago
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April 2025

  • Administration
  • Politics

New GoFundMe Started By An “M. Kotlikoff” Sets Ambitious Goal of $1 Billion

Nooz Staff12 months ago12 months ago02 mins

DAY HALL—Mere hours after it was reported the Trump Administration aims to freeze $1 billion of Cornell’s federal funding, a Go-Fund Me page was created with quite the lofty objective of the exact same amount. “Trump may have unchecked political power and a cult-like supporter base, but we have this snazzy lil’ link that is…

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  • Spring Break

OP-ED: Pwease Mistuh Pwofessuh Don’t Mark Me Absent My Pwivate Pwane Got In Really Really Late Last Night

Nooz Staff12 months ago12 months ago03 mins

A BED WITH A WHITE DUVET—God gives its toughest battles to its stwongest warriors, so obviously I’m like a war hero or something because I had to overcome quite the stwuggle last night. You see, usually Daddy and I waltz right on to Philbert, which is what we named our pwivate jet, but before we…

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