Redditor Roommate Now An Epidemiologist

WEST CAMPUS—To the displeasure of his roommates, enthusiastic Redditor Alexander Nettle ‘22 returned to campus armed with months of reddit-conducted COVID research.  When his roommate asked him what the highlight of his summer was, Nettle launched into a lengthy commentary on COVID-19. “This all happened because Americans don’t understand exponential growth. If I were President,…

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“I’m Really Worried About Coronavirus,” Says Student Who Literally Drank Piss During Rush

STATLER HALL—As concern mounts over the spread of the 2019 Novel Coronavirus, Jonah Frayer ’23 has been telling everyone he knows about the hygiene issues that led to the virus’s spread, despite drinking actual human urine during this semester’s rush festivities. “It’s such a crisis. The incubation period is  a couple weeks, so anyone could…

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