MORRISON DINING – In a shocking turn of events, Morrison Dining, renowned for its 30-minute wait times and fishtank-like appearance, has found itself in dire financial straits after reportedly squandering half of its annual budget on industrial-grade Windex. “These windows are the most earth-shattering financial drain I’ve seen in my entire career,” lamented Morrison financial…
STATLER HOTEL—When a date at Terrace led his girlfriend to ask why administration simply couldn’t increase the number of Big Red Bucks included in meal plans, one Cornell Econ student burst into a histrionic rant that this would surely cause the destruction of the Cornell economy. “Of course they can’t just print more BRBs, sweetie,”…
DYSON SCHOOL OF APPLIED ECONOMICS AND MANAGEMENT—On Thursday evening, University President Martha Pollack announced in an email that Cornell alum Lucifer the Prince of Darkness ‘09 will be speaking on topics in economics this semester. “Lucie is a dear friend of mine and of many other members of the Cornell community,” wrote Pollack. “His Darkness…
MVR HALL—PAM Professor Emeritus Richard Burkhauser recently accepted a new academic position at the White House, where he will teach introductory microeconomics to the freshman administration. “I can’t wait to teach the fundamentals of conservative economics to a new batch of students, who will hopefully use those ideas when they get out in the real…
IVES HALL – In an apparent attempt to make the course material more relatable, Economics professor Stephan Thomas explained the Principle of Opportunity Cost by reminding all students of everything they were giving up in order to be in class right now. “You see, whenever you choose something, you’re giving something else up,” began Thomas…
