Martha Pollack Fires Off Quick Email on Swastika Before Heading Back to IBM

Michael Wenye Li / Cornell Daily Sun

DAY HALL—After receiving word yesterday that another swastika had turned up less than an hour before her flight to IBM headquarters, Cornell President Martha Pollack quickly jotted down a four sentences campus-wide email on her way to the airport.

“A few months ago, I might’ve written a long email expressing solidarity with all students and faculty members like last time, but I’ve been so swamped with this new job,” said Pollack. “If I get some time to focus on Cornell, I might draft a paragraph or two to get ready for the next time this happens.”

Pollack intends to start digging into her backlog of hate incidents to write emails about “right after we release first quarter earnings.”

“I hope Jewish students know dealing with such crimes is my first priori—one second, just got something urgent,” Pollack said as she opened an email on the IBM marketing department’s last social event.

If her IBM workload keeps up, Pollack is reportedly considering telling Ryan Lombardi to just forward one of her many previous emails reacting to hate crimes and bigotry on campus whenever this happens again.

“Most Diverse” Class of 2022 Welcomed To Campus Riddled With Hate Crimes

Helen Hu / Cornell Daily Sun

DAY HALL—Yesterday, the University selected 5,288 students to create “the most diverse class in university history” and is proud to welcome the Class of 2022 to a campus riddled with hate crimes.

“We have admitted a highly talented and accomplished [class] who will flourish as Cornellians,” said senior vice provost Barbara Knuth, neglecting to add “unless they become victims of a race-motivated assault.”

The incoming students, of which 33% are underrepresented minorities and 54% are students of color, will be considering an institution where minorities are verbally and physically assaulted by their peers.

“I’ve got a pretty difficult decision to make,” said recent admit Luis Torres. “Pro: I could receive a world-class education and open so many doors for myself, but con: I might get beaten up on the weekends for not being white. Hmm! I don’t know!”

The Administration has noted that it strongly opposes all hate crimes, establishing the official stance that “racists are bad” and continuing to combat incidents with thoughts and prayers.