DAY HALL—After receiving word yesterday that another swastika had turned up less than an hour before her flight to IBM headquarters, Cornell President Martha Pollack quickly jotted down a four sentences campus-wide email on her way to the airport.
“A few months ago, I might’ve written a long email expressing solidarity with all students and faculty members like last time, but I’ve been so swamped with this new job,” said Pollack. “If I get some time to focus on Cornell, I might draft a paragraph or two to get ready for the next time this happens.”
Pollack intends to start digging into her backlog of hate incidents to write emails about “right after we release first quarter earnings.”
“I hope Jewish students know dealing with such crimes is my first priori—one second, just got something urgent,” Pollack said as she opened an email on the IBM marketing department’s last social event.
If her IBM workload keeps up, Pollack is reportedly considering telling Ryan Lombardi to just forward one of her many previous emails reacting to hate crimes and bigotry on campus whenever this happens again.
DAY HALL— After under two years as president of Cornell University, Martha Pollack has solved every major problem facing the 24,000-student, 3,000-faculty member university and is now taking on IBM as a member of its Board of Directors.
“When I came here in 2017, this place was a real dump,” said President Pollack. “But then I banned hard alcohol at frat parties, hired a few therapists, and kept university financial decisions safe from the prying eyes of students and staff. There’s really nothing left to do.”
Despite concerns about her splitting time, President Pollack assured the Cornell community that she would gladly create a handful of task forces to address any minor concerns that might arise, and that she would be available by phone if there were any big decisions to be made.
“The truth is that she didn’t have much to do on a regular basis,” said Vice President Ryan Lombardi. “Sure, there was a lot of work when she took over, but she righted the ship in no time, so she can move on and do something more challenging with her career.”
President Pollack credits her experience protecting Cornell for preparing her for the IBM Board position, noting her duty to protect the best interests of the company’s shareholders