An In-Depth Review of Collegetown Restaurants

Collegetown is one of the biggest perks of spending 4 years above Cayuga’s Waters, offering incredibly diverse culinary experiences. We sent a writer out to determine, once and for all, which eatery is the true champion of the hungry student.

CTB: Absolute let down. I was so excited to try the place EVERYONE talks about, but it was one of the most abhorrent dining experiences I have ever had. After waiting 15 minutes for folks ordering Liz Lemonades to get out of the way, I was finally able to grab a dinky plastic cup and start filling up with water. But 5 seconds into getting a lukewarm excuse for refreshment, the tiny faucet gave up. What, did they expect me to pay for a bottle of water? That’s basically a violation of human rights. I’m never going back.

Ruloffs: The waiter quickly carried over an sleek carafe chilled to perfection, with a light layer of thinly chopped ice at the top. I think this is some water I can get behind. Minus one star; it could have used a slice of lemon.

DeTasty Hot Pot: Everything was going well at the start. Larger glass than most, decent amount of ice. But as the meal rolled on, I could feel the panic settling in. I had barely a fourth of my water left when the waitress came over. I got a “how is everything over here?” without the slightest glance at my dwindling glass. What came next was pure agony. Bite after bite of spicy Asian food without a drop left. It was only when I yelped for the bill with my last dehydrated breath that she noticed. Service like that could get people imprisoned in some countries.

The Nines: Giving you a pitcher of water is a nice touch. Gives you the freedom to choose how much you need, exactly when you need it. However, the water-to-ice ratio is completely off. Have some self-respect.

Aladdins: I felt like I was sitting on a beach by the Mediterranean. I could feel warm grains of sunkissed sand between my toes with every drop that fell from their elegant glass goblets. Absolutely exquisite.

Taco Truck: Fuck it, I’m just gonna eat some snow.

California Students Feeling Right at Home During Ithaca Drought

BEEBE LAKE — During a time at which countless freshman often feel lost and homesick, many incoming California students felt comforted and right at home during the recent drought in Ithaca.

“They say you never realize what you will miss most about home until it is too late,” Golden State student Jack Reynolds stated, “For me, it is the droughts and the wildfires that make my hometown so beautiful. Just imagine the sweet smell of firewood as several thousand acres burn to the ground and all the while there not being enough water to put it out.”

Other students from the West Coast have found similar comfort from the drought, though some lament the lack of rainfall for not being enough to cause a horrendous mudslide like back home.

In an attempt to further make Bear Flag State students feel at home, the California Student Association will host a sleepover at the Thurston Hall earthquake simulation lab next Tuesday.