ITHACA- Due to the recent success of Cornell Store’s new eatery, Café Jennie, the building’s dining area will be expanded into an entire suburban-mall-style food court next semester. The installment will include a variety of worldly cuisine including a Panda Express, Arby’s, Cinnabon, Sbarro, and another Arby’s. “No one really ever came to the Cornell…
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Though there exist a multitude of excellent places across campus to have an emotional crisis, Sid Lathe ‘24 reached his own mental breaking point while descending down into Okenshields. Though the brief foreboding feelings of doom that accompany any trip down these particular stairs were not unfamiliar to Lathe, the accompanying sense of…
Believe me. I enjoy The Daily Sun’s opinion pieces as much as the next guy. They cover a lot of useful information and interesting topics with thoughtful perspectives. But I have a problem with the Sex on Thursdays column. Specifically, I want whoever writes that column to please stop boning my girlfriend. I get that…
ITHACA, NY – Officials announced Tuesday that they plan to offer a different, individualized class in statistics for each of nearly 80 majors at the university. “Statistics is a diverse and important subject with applications in many fields,” said Dean of Students Kent Hubbell, who plans to teach ENGL 3100: Statistics for English Majors with…
OLIN STACKS—In the privacy of a measly peasant corner cubby on Olin’s 7th floor, the tears and sniffles of Owen Simons ‘26 echo down the rows of desks. Approaching his 19th hour in the stacks, the unimaginable dawned on Owen and he broke down with the certainty that he had no choice but to become…
NASHVILLE, TN—Just in time for the holiday, Tessa Willem ‘21 made sure to call her mom to wish her a happy Mother’s Day from the distant location of her upstairs bedroom. “Even though my mom funds nearly all of my educational, living, and social expenses, I’m usually crazy busy around this time of year so…
GANNETT HEALTH SERVICES — Representatives from Gannett Health Services report a staggeringly low number of confirmed sexually transmitted disease cases on campus for this semester, attributing the drop to a clever sex pun PSA posted in the 4th floor Donlon hallway by RA Danielle Covington ’17. “If you don’t use protection, you’re a goner(rhea)!” exclaimed…
TEHRAN, IRAN—In a public address following a wave of strikes from the United States and Israel, Iran’s newly appointed Supreme Leader announced that the Islamic Republic has no plans to develop a nuclear weapon. “After all, we have promised our sworn enemies never to create such a device, which could theoretically be used against them…
