ITHACA- Sources confirmed late Tuesday that Ithaca Mayor Svante Myrick’s desire for a snow day on Wednesday had in fact come to fruition. “I made a wish and it came true!” exclaimed the bright-eyed and simple mayor, dancing around the kitchen of his Collegetown apartment, dressed in inside-out and backwards pajamas. “Woo hoo! No school!…
ARTS QUAD—For a rare few at the Cornell Daily Sun, journalism centers around the noble pursuit of disseminating knowledge to the public. The task of educating and informing the student body is not an easy one, so when Sun writer Davis Gardner ‘27 was first asked to write an article, he instead turned to his…
PHILADELPHIA — A student at the University of Pennsylvania has reportedly been making bold claims that “UPenn studnets r superiur 2 cornell,” communicating his message through the online comments section of the school’s student newspaper, The Daily Pennsylvanian. “Ya most cornel kids go ther for hotel mangament and state schole,” said acclaimed critic of Cornell…
WILLIAMS STREET—Local party host Jeffery Norton ‘20 is reportedly regretting his decision to share a collaborative Spotify playlist with friends after one guest with a bizarre taste in music took full advantage of the invitation to contribute. While most playlist contributors added a few of their favorite hits from the top 40 or some 2000’s…
DAY HALL—Cornell University President Martha Pollack sneakily slipped into the back row of April 20th’s Administration meeting after ingesting a 70mg pot brownie, hoping no one would realize she was baked out of her mind. “Shit shit shit shit shit,” Pollack said discretely, aware that someone would probably call on her to answer a question…
Alright, I’ve heard a lot about your RA. How he cuts through all the bullshit, skips the ice breakers, and is just down to have a good time. But if he’s so cool, then does he have the power to bring back my deceased father? I mean sure, he tells you where all the cool…
In a story akin to classic Hans Christian Andersen folklore, Mayor Svante Myrick reportedly began his week by strolling nude throughout the streets of Ithaca. Myrick was promptly arrested for indecent exposure and disorderly conduct. “I just figured no one would be around over break. I thought everyone went home for vacation.” said Myrick. At…
IVES HALL—In an unexpected Valentine’s twist, Cornell’s Perfect Match team managed the impossible by matching every Industrial Labor Relations Student together into one loving collective bargaining unit. “I can’t wait to ask all 1,000 of my new matches out on a first date!” exclaimed Richard Lunka ‘24. “I have so many romantic ideas for us…
ITHACA, NY – Student Faculty Chair Thomas Andersen announced yesterday that Cornell plans to expand its Net-Print service to include 3D printing by the end of next year. The plans have already been met with both praise and skepticism. As of press time, the futuristic printing service would cost $90 per cubic foot. “Cornell knows…
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Introduction to American Government professor Don Goodin has magnanimously introduced a policy of no required books, instead providing thousands of pages of online reading that must be printed. The generosity has not gone unnoticed by students. “Professor Goodin really gets that some students just can’t afford all the books,” said Nanette Warner ‘22….
