DAY HALL- University officials announced this morning an annual fee will be added to tuition in order to address budget shortfalls caused by student protests. “We love that our students participate in the Democratic process by exerting their first amendment rights,” said President David Skorton, “but it is only necessary that the University be compensated…
This article was sponsored by SpringFest and the Cornell Environmental Collaborative. Springfest is being held on April 22nd from 11:00am to 3:00pm on Ho Plaza to celebrate Earth day and promote sustainability. HO PLAZA — Eating an organically grown meal from local farmers and listening to live music outside Willard Straight, climate change denier Darrel…
ARTS QUAD – Classes have officially begun, which means getting settled into routines, staving off mounting exhaustion, and spotting familiar faces around campus. For Elizabeth Valenciano ‘26, however, the start of classes would also bring about an uncomfortable surprise. Valenciano and several of her friends were spotted leaving Goldwin Smith Hall when they were approached…
EARTH — Mother Earth, goddess and protector of our fair planet, is reportedly irate due to the fact that you didn’t to call her for Earth Day. This marks the third year in a row you forgot about the holiday celebrating the environment, and at this point it just seems like you don’t care at…
COLLEGETOWN—Brad Michelson ‘23 has recently taken steps to make his fellow Introductory Economics students aware of the fact that he and his girlfriend regularly engage in sex. As Michelson and his girlfriend, Anita Kripke ‘23, can no longer terrorize Temple of Zeus go-ers with their self-made softcore porn due to social distancing and face covering…
COLLEGETOWN TERRACE—Since March of 2020, the Coronavirus pandemic has ravaged the social lives of me and my peers. Now that we are finally back on campus for the Fall 2020 semester, I want to put forward safety guidelines that I expect everyone in the Cornell community to follow. Namely, no gathering should be larger than…
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Like lambs to slaughter, the latest victims of Cornell’s most indigestible dining hall were lining up for their daily source of slop. The lamenting calls of students who had used up the remainder of their BRBs early in the semester echoed in the air. A chill passed through Willard Straight Hall and students…
SUBTERRANEAN CAVES–In the wake of reports of a mysterious “scuttling noise” and muffled whispers in the walls of the Uris-Olin tunnel, the most recent pledge class of Alpha Delta Chi has reportedly been discovered living a subsistence-based lifestyle deep beneath the Cornell University campus. Having lived underneath campus since the end of the Spring ‘20…
Click here for larger bracket CU Nooz is proud to announce the 1st Annual Major Cornell Major Tournament! We’re down to 32 undergraduate majors battling it out to determine once and for all which major is the most likely to get votes in an arbitrary competition. Look over the bracket, read up on what each…
