OLIN LIBRARY—Many library goers were infuriated by the disruptive collapse of the Olin Library ceiling, caused by the excessive construction. However, those who have experienced the relentlessly tedious, pain-in-the-ass ritual that is the coffee chat will understand the relief of Lonnie Roth ‘26 and Mike Juarez ‘27 as their insufferable meeting was cut short by…
BARTELS RINK—Enthusiastic and slightly confused Cornell sports fans packed the stands this past weekend at what some called “the strangest hockey game ever.” “I’d never seen anything like it,” shared Connel McMillen ‘25. “The ice rink was rectangular and the players didn’t have hockey sticks. The puck was round and orange and they sort of…
OLIN LIBRARY—It’s in with the new and out with the old at Olin Library during its new renovations! The flooring, walls, ceilings, and furniture of the building will get an upgrade, but the transformation will also replace the old and dirty Rare Books collection with newer, more modern literature. A dusty, vibe-killing original copy of…
Alex Parker ‘27, resident unfeeling alpha-sigma-kappa-delta-epsilon bland male came to face his greatest fear at Cornell-hinting at a morsel of personality-when forced to open up during the first week in an introductory discussion. The haunting assignment guidelines asked to “Share something you did over the summer and what you like to do for fun.” He…
Being the leader of a group of pedestrians arriving at a crosswalk comes with immense responsibility, one that many Cornellians seem unfathomably unaware of. It is the civic duty that upholds the balance and integrity of the transportation system, and in turn, all of civilization: pressing the crosswalk button. There’s no denying the gravity of…
WEST CAMPUS—No self-respecting student would ever dare to eat dinner alone, so all eyes were on Jaden Lewis ‘25 last night at Becker House as he appeared to finish his meal entirely by himself. Patrons stared at the pathetic nobody in a mixture of pity and disgust as he filled his plate and slowly meandered…
CARL BECKER HOUSE, URIS HALL, COLLEGETOWN, ETC—After the closure of the Cornell University Borehole Observatory project, the university’s eminent geology, energy and sustainability researchers sat down to analyze their data and determine Cornell’s optimal course to achieve the Climate Action Plan’s goal of carbon neutrality by 2035. Unfortunately for climate scientists and pedestrians alike, a…
NORTH CAMPUS—Cornellians are privileged to have access to such a wide variety of unique opportunities, and new students are always eager to take advantage of the multitude of offerings. Many freshmen have already forged new friendships through the abundance of extracurriculars that this university provides. Tragically, the dream college life has not materialized for one…
WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL—Though there exist a multitude of excellent places across campus to have an emotional crisis, Sid Lathe ‘24 reached his own mental breaking point while descending down into Okenshields. Though the brief foreboding feelings of doom that accompany any trip down these particular stairs were not unfamiliar to Lathe, the accompanying sense of…
LYNAH RINK—When Charlie Yu ‘26 bought his ticket to the 2023 Cornell-Harvard men’s ice hockey game, he didn’t realize how much of a commitment it would be. But two days after the game’s conclusion, the stands remained empty save for the lone sophomore’s silent vigil as he waited for the perfect conditions to toss his…
