CASCADILLA HALL—Each year, campus-wide dormitory fire inspections protect students against the threat of space heaters, extension cords, and freestanding microwave ovens. This year, however, dutiful Ithaca fire marshals have been met with a new challenge—asbestos removal notifications. According to Acting Fire Chief Samuel Smiley, local fire code mandates that no more than ten percent of…
TONI MORRISON HALL—Tired of losing sleep because some dipshit in your dorm forgot to take their popcorn out of the microwave? Worry not! The CU Nooz editorial team has assembled a list of wacky new arson alternatives for those pertinacious pyromaniacs—so next time you’re startled awake by a blaring siren in the middle of the…
TONI MORRISON HALL—All good things must come to an end, and so it goes that Cornell University’s lovable resident arsonist appears to have retired from their incendiary lifestyle. Despite President Martha Pollack’s hefty reward of 30 BRBs for any information, CUPD remains at a loss for their location, and the student body has resigned itself…
COLLEGETOWN — Junior Jake Evans reported today that the apartment he’d be living in next year was, “An affordable place, close to campus, and virtually impossible to escape in the event of a fire or other emergency.” Chatting with friends over coffee, Evans mentioned that his apartment was likely to become “his tomb,” and that…
