7-ELEVEN—’Twas a beautiful and romantic evening for Ithaca’s it-couple Albert Grant Wellington III ‘22 and Eleanor Theodora Johnson ‘22. While the commoners of Collegetown partook in fraternity soirees and other low class activities, these members of the Finger Lakes region’s high society spent their evening enjoying a fine dining experience like none other at 7-Eleven…
RPCC – According to reports trickling in from North Campus residents, total loser Nicholas Sarpinsky ‘20 was seen eating his dinner at RPCC all by himself again. “I’m tired of these lonely social sadsacks taking our table all for themselves,” said Sam Losey ‘20, a member of the Donlon 4 hallway group, who regularly patronize…
Like many other seniors this year, I too have taken part in the job safari, but unlike others I have caught the elusive career lion. Yes, I have become the champion of the hunt, and I will thusly begin my life in New York City with the rest of the Cornellian pack at one of…
WASHINGTON- In a press release Wednesday, the Smithsonian announced that as his first act as secretary, David Skorton planned to remove all dinosaur bone displays and other exhibits that could be considered fun from the institution’s museums. “The Smithsonian is an institution of higher learning. This is no place for an absolutely awesome, fully-assembled triceratops…
CENTRAL CAMPUS–A meal swipe-less Logan Jergen ‘26 found himself forced to take advantage of nature’s own all you can eat dining system after studying on central campus until 5:30 on a Saturday night. “This is all I have left to eat,” said Jergen through a pink mouthful of cherry blossoms. “Goldie’s–Cafe Jennie–Franny’s–they all closed on…
DONLON HALL—Rebecca Tinsley ‘24 knew things weren’t going to work out the moment she moved into her second floor Donlan double and saw her roommate had already hung a Pulp Fiction poster that would continue to haunt Tinsley throughout the semester. “I walk in, and there she is, just smoking a cigarette, though my second…
GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Introduction to American Government professor Don Goodin has magnanimously introduced a policy of no required books, instead providing thousands of pages of online reading that must be printed. The generosity has not gone unnoticed by students. “Professor Goodin really gets that some students just can’t afford all the books,” said Nanette Warner ‘22….
ITHACA, NY- Senior Mike Greensmith woke up at 3:00 am this morning in a cold sweat, confused and flustered by a recurring dream he has experienced over the past month.”It’s the same thing every time,” Greensmith ’14 told CU Nooz, “I’m walking around campus eating this tub of potato salad-I don’t know why- and then I…
BARTON HALL — Cornell Career Services announced today that, in order to generate enthusiasm and interest in its opportunities, the first 150 entrants to the Career Fair would receive complimentary Career-themed pinnies, a Cornell beanie, and a challenging, rewarding career which could easily last a lifetime. “We want to make sure that Cornell students get…
URIS HALL—The second week of classes started uneventfully, with students settling into their routines and professors getting to know their classes. However, a few terrified students in Uris Hall G01 were in for a cruel surprise. “The professor seemed more irritated than last week. Maybe because only half the class showed up after he said…
