GOLDWIN SMITH HALL–Last Tuesday, students in Professor Stephen Winslow’s Intro to Ethics and Philosophy class were debating the merits of DuBois’ double-consciousness theory during an 11:00 AM discussion section when a comment from one student raised some eyebrows. The student, Sheldon Morestead ‘28, was commenting on the black struggle in America when he uttered a…
NORTHCROSS @ JESSUP – As she hopped on the TCAT on her way class this Wednesday, Jessica Abbot ‘22 was delighted to discover that the usually endearing bus driver was looking exceptionally precious that morning. Abbot couldn’t quite put her finger on what made Steve Haas, TCAT driver of 12 years, look even more lovable…
FUERTES OBSERVATORY – Emerging from hours of research using the large refracting telescope on North Campus, Cornell’s top astronomers report that tonight’s supermoon will be pretty big, and also probably really bright or whatever. “It’s no total eclipse or transit of Venus or anything really cool, but it’ll be a nice little thing for the…
Click to see enlarged bracket Vote here! March Madness may be over, but the 2nd annual Major Cornell Major Tournament is still wrapping up and BOY oh BOY, ain’t it toasty up in here?! Vote to crown this year’s majorly most major Cornell major. This round ends Thursday at 11:59PM, winner announced Friday. May the…
ARTES QUADRANGLE—Th’Cornell Renaissance Faire is underway, and its stewards hath invited to the festival a jester moste famous. Mister Colin Joust of Manhattan did agree to ‘tend the faire, where he’ll entertain crowds of revellers with’s fantastical and humorous tales. Mr Joust, perhaps best knowne for his exceedingly fair wife, is also a moste respected…
A BED WITH A WHITE DUVET—God gives its toughest battles to its stwongest warriors, so obviously I’m like a war hero or something because I had to overcome quite the stwuggle last night. You see, usually Daddy and I waltz right on to Philbert, which is what we named our pwivate jet, but before we…
WEST CAMPUS—In compliance with university coronavirus precautions, local hookup connoisseur and health hero Tyler Burtley ‘23 made sure to keep his latest sexual experience long enough to be COVID friendly, but not long enough to make her finish. “Look I’ve been extremely health-conscious ever since this pandemic hit: wearing a mask, social distancing, washing my…
My uncompassionate lowlife of a psychology professor obviously does not know even the basics of World War I. Come November, this campus always turns into sludge. It snows, and then the snow melts, and my feet get all wet. These are the conditions the heroes of World War I nobly fought and suffered in. The…
LINDEN AVE—Every weekend closest to St. Paddy’s Day, the student body takes to the streets to drink, party, drink, and drink some more. The resulting mix of vomit, alcohol, and the odd spray of urine creates a muddy sludge that would repulse the average sober person. However, this same sludge has proven irresistible to the…
ITHACA — As Cornell’s Sesquicentennial celebrations come to an end, students, alumni, faculty and more are still in shock that the university was able to survive for the past 150 years. Many among the Cornell community thought this school would have collapsed much sooner, and it is truly a miracle that it was able to…
