Local Investment Banker-in-the-making Kent Gonzalez allegedly sort of knows what the word “leverage” means. “It has to do with debt, I know that. And ‘leverage’ sounds like ‘lever’, which you use to balance something, so it’s like balancing the books with debt, right?” says Kent Gonzalez, the student who dreams of one day working for…
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URIS HALL—The second week of classes started uneventfully, with students settling into their routines and professors getting to know their classes. However, a few terrified students in Uris Hall G01 were in for a cruel surprise. “The professor seemed more irritated than last week. Maybe because only half the class showed up after he said…
BAKER LAB—Chemistry students were overcome by sheer terror Monday morning as they entered Baker 200, which had been transformed into a haunted house by changing absolutely nothing. Stepping through the foreboding double doors, students were confronted by the same sights, sounds, and scents as those of any ordinary chem lecture, but only in the context…
UNIVERSITY AVE—The chapters of Cornell’s Interfraternity Council were left red-faced and teary-eyed after receiving a punishment of elementary proportions. While this majorly minor consequence will have almost no impact on the future operations of campus fraternities, the idea of any form of oversight on Greek organizations has taken a serious toll on many Big Red…
ROCKEFELLER HALL—Cornell University prides itself on its vigorous commitment to the art of teaching and falsifying RateMyProfessor reviews, a dedication no less visible than in its insistence to let Professor Henry Fiske teach PHYS 2215 as a flipped classroom. Some students aren’t pleased by the teaching model, and much less pleased with Fiske himself. “He…
UNITED FLIGHT 4390—Ornithology enthusiast Sam Harriman ‘27 got a real treat Thursday as his flight to Newark encountered a large flock of geese. The gaggle crossed the airplane’s path shortly after takeoff from Ithaca Tompkins International Airport. Harriman, an active member of the Cornell Birding Club, eagerly grabbed his binoculars and peered out the window….
CORNELL HEALTH—In a surprising display of thoughtfulness from Cornell’s mental health services, CAPS has begun to suggest that overwhelmed students take a year off in between every lecture. “We see so many kids needlessly stressing out about their grades, and the pandemic, and literally everything else,” says counselor Matthew Greene. “It’s a good idea for…
COLLEGE AVENUE — According to a drunken report recently released by Adam Maxwell ’18, this pizza is fucking amazing. The report was released after Maxwell participated in several hours of partying, where he theorized that a meat lovers, pineapple, and red onion slice of pizza would be “fucking dope right now.” “This shit is incredible,”…
ITHACA COMMONS—After over a decade of publishing their daily newspaper online, The Cornell Daily Sun has officially decided to cut their anachronistic and outdated digital branch and stop publishing on their website. “We at the Sun have a commitment to staying contemporary and felt that deleting our website would be a good place to start…
