STOCKING HALL—First-year Cornell dairy cow Clover was absent at today’s Dairy Day festivities after passing out during the pregame. “It’s not uncommon for some cattle get blackout before Dairy Day actually starts, but I could usually corral them down from the Dairy Unit as long as they were still upright,” said dairy science major Chuck…
COLLEGETOWN — Over the past few weeks, Alessia Newman ’22 and Brett Chen ’22 poured dozens of hours into perfecting their Ash and Pikachu couples costume to wear for Halloween, not knowing that they would get in a fight that night that would result in their break-up. “They say that working together is important for…
ITHACA, NY — Matthew Bernstein ‘15 has been suffering from an alcohol withdrawal headache all day, a headache which he has mistakenly attributed to too little sleep. “Man, my head’s pounding today. I definitely need to get to bed earlier today,” said Bernstein, unable to connect the dots between the fact he’s been drunk every…
URIS LIBRARY—Scheduler’s latest update never fails to excite Ethan Weiss ‘23. “Ever since I was a freshman, I’ve looked forward to the release of the next version of Scheduler,” said Weiss, double major in art and geometry. “Sure, it’s technically available all year, but there’s nothing like getting your hands on a fresh slate of…
Professor, I have a question. I need it answered right away, or else I won’t be able to focus. Is this particular topic going to be on the exam? Look, I know you’re teaching it to us right now. But see, here’s the problem: it’s really hard. This stuff you’re teaching us is not easy…
EDDY STREET – In what is the most recent episode in a longstanding battle for Collegetown supremacy, several saké bombs were set off between popular Japanese eateries Plum Tree and Miyake. The bombing, which occurred in the late hours of Friday evening, claimed the sobrieties of dozens of unsuspecting frat brothers and their dates. “I…
Believe me. I enjoy The Daily Sun’s opinion pieces as much as the next guy. They cover a lot of useful information and interesting topics with thoughtful perspectives. But I have a problem with the Sex on Thursdays column. Specifically, I want whoever writes that column to please stop boning my girlfriend. I get that…
LIBE SLOPE—Excited to roleplay as the happy college students from their favorite promotional materials and stock photos, Cornellians took to the Arts Quad and Libe Slope en masse this week to enjoy the sunny weather. Yet one student with an unusually enormous appetite seems to prefer the comfort of an enclosed space, even in the…
OKENSHIELDS—An analysis released Tuesday found that scant traces of protein exist in the chicken stir fry served at Okenshields. “We believe the protein compounds discovered in the sample are of avian origin, perhaps chicken.” said Food Science Lab Director Hans Kuiken. “However, we can’t determine the precise composition of the proteins due to their relative…
FEENEY WAY—Amidst the latest influx of admitted students and their families, parents John Olin Jr. ‘66 and Helen Reincehart Olin ‘97 proved to be particularly pretentious. Though the buildings bearing their name make up less than one percent of the campus’ total construction, their attitudes seemed to indicate that they had bankrolled the entire university….
