February 10, 2016

Headlines

“GET ON THE GROUND AND BEG LIKE THE DOG YOU ARE!” Most Merciful Chem Professor Grants Extra Credit Opportunity
16 hours ago
Cornell Football Player Drafted to NFL Proves that Coaches Should Be Tested for Brain Damage Too
2 days ago
“Does Your Mother Cry Because Her Daughter Is An Idiot?” Chem TA Compliments Curious Review Session Attendee
12 months ago12 months ago
“There’s a Day Hall?” Asks a Confused Martha Pollack Wandering Onto Campus for the Third Time This Year
12 months ago12 months ago
President Pollack Wishes a Happy Mother’s Day to All of the Students Whom she Denied Reproductive Healthcare
12 months ago12 months ago
President Pollack Suggests Fired Starbucks Workers Just Ask “Vice Barista” To Do All The Hard Stuff
12 months ago12 months ago

Mann Steals Olin Laptop in Ongoing Rivalry Between Libraries

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

OLIN LIBRARY – Yesterday Mann Library, usually found on the Agricultural Quad, was seen stealing a laptop from Olin Library, further solidifying the ongoing rivalry between two of the largest libraries on campus. “We received a report at approximately 5:35 p.m. on Tuesday of the entirety of Mann Library fleeing Olin Library with a laptop…

Cornell Meteorology Department Develops Exciting New Comment about the Weather

Nooz Staff8 years ago02 mins

BRADFIELD HALL—The Cornell Meteorology department announced this morning the development of a new, original comment about the weather, stemming from a 2-year long study. “Everyone knows the usual, inane comments about the weather we hear all the time. ‘Classic Ithaca, it’s raining again,’ and ‘Holy shit, it’s so cold,’” described Earth and Atmospheric Sciences professor…