BRADFIELD HALL—The Cornell Meteorology department announced this morning the development of a new, original comment about the weather, stemming from a 2-year long study.
“Everyone knows the usual, inane comments about the weather we hear all the time. ‘Classic Ithaca, it’s raining again,’ and ‘Holy shit, it’s so cold,’” described Earth and Atmospheric Sciences professor Stephen Colucci, who himself admitted to finding himself at a loss for words when the weather is overcast and below freezing. “We dedicated some of our best minds to investigating this complex and important field, and after struggling for months we have finally made a minor breakthrough.”
The professor expressed some concern over recent variance observed in the collection of expected weather conversation patterns, such as the unprecedented use of “I don’t even need a jacket” this past January. “The use of these typical spring or summer comments provided significant setback in our understanding of weather conversations on Cornell campus, but with the last snowfall we do feel confident that our new comment will generate the impressive response that it deserves.”
Colucci announced the comment was still in the testing phase and would likely be ready for conversational applications by 2020.