Tag Archives: Touchdown

Cornell Unwilling to Comment on Whether or Not Touchdown the Bear Has Sex

DAY HALL—Following last weekend’s Homecoming festivities, one topic has come to dominate the on-campus conversation. But after many requests for comment, Cornell appears to be unwilling to address the controversial question: Does Touchdown the Bear have sex? “The administration’s refusal to clarify this essential issue is honestly quite troubling,” stated Read More

Outrage After Touchdown Snubbed of Win for Best Supporting Bear in “The Revenant”

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Despite critical acclaim for Touchdown’s stellar performance in Alejandro Iñárritu’s The Revenant, Cornell’s own beloved mascot will return empty-handed to Ithaca after being nominated for Best Supporting Bear in this year’s Academy Awards. “It shocked the film community to say the least,” says Professor Arthur Simms, Director Read More