Engineering
Student at Palantir Event Offended By Implication They Support Palantir
DUFFIELD HALL—Many saintlike engineering students have had their virtuous reputations marred by unfounded accusations of immorality following a recruitment event hosted by Palantir at Cornell. These engineers have done nothing more than demonstrate their willingness to ignore ethics for a $200k starting salary. One attendee, Ceille Autê ‘27, who has never faced any kind of…
Cornell Engineering Debuts ‘This Is What A David Duffield Looks Like’ Shirt
DUFFIELD HALL—Following a historic donation from David A. Duffield ’62, MBA ’64, the College of Engineering has edited the text of its iconic “This Is What A Cornell Engineer Looks Like” to instead read “This Is What A David Duffield Looks Like.” The change, the College of Engineering says, will recognize Duffield for his enormous…
“Hey! Do You Hate Your Life Too?”: Project Team Gauges Interest
ENGINEERING QUAD—With a new class of bright-eyed first-years settling into Cornell, the University’s many student organizations are seizing new recruitment opportunities. Project team members, in particular, have pounced at the chance to contact human life, move their limbs, get fresh air, et. cetera. “Hey! Do you share your life, too?” asked Dalia Good ‘26, an…
Hack-a-thon? Retching CS1110 Classmate Definitely Has a Hairball
BAILEY HALL—Nina Ojeda ‘28 was taking her seat in Tuesday’s CS1110 lecture when a furious fit of coughing from the seat behind her caught her attention. Turning around, she saw her classmate David Mendelson ‘28 with back arched and glasses askew, clearly straining to expel something abominable from his gullet. “I’m fairly certain he was…
“Consider a Man’s Life Situated on a Frictionless, Downward Plane”: Physics Professor Not Handling His Divorce Well
ROCKEFELLER HALL—Students of Professor Gary Whitman have expressed growing concern for their physics instructor after his lectures took a dismal turn in the last couple of weeks. While the discovery of Whitman’s ongoing divorce saddened his pupils, few of them were surprised. “Yeah, he’s kind of been hinting at it,” admitted Shriya Pradhan ‘28. According…
Carbon Fiber Tricycle, Autonomous Chair, and 6 Other Trailblazing Student Projects That Need Your Blood, Sweat, and Tears To Succeed
UPSON HALL—Built from the ground up with bare hands of the pioneering masterminds of the student body, these cutting-edge project teams are now demanding YOUR hard-earned pocket change. Give up that iced latte for once, do some local charity instead and pitch in! Every dollar makes a difference in the exhausting lives of your desperate…
Engineer Studies In Statler Library To Microdose Having Fun in College
STATLER—The Nestlé Library in Statler Hall is designed to be a collaborative work zone for Hotelies. Every so often, however, Eva Pearson ’25 stumbles in from the neighboring Engineering Quad. Pearson finds the space a welcome break from the everlasting torment of her sad, analytical engineering peers. “Being constantly surrounded by misery is bad for…
Guy Wearing “This Is What a Cornell Engineer Looks Like” Shirt Definitely Didn’t Need to Clarify
DUFFIELD HALL—Last week, Bruce Reid ‘26, a Cornell mechanical engineering student, proudly sported his “This Is What a Cornell Engineer Looks Like” shirt around campus. However, Reid’s peers claim that they didn’t require his extra clarification to figure out his major. “Oftentimes, images portray an idea better than words,” said Jabari White ‘25, who saw…