January 22, 2014

Amid Divorce, Fun Professor Prepares First Day Of Class Jokes

Nooz Staff10 years ago10 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY – Students of Harold Gerdfich were elated to find out the “totally down to earth” professor is preparing a tight 5 minutes of standup for the first day of class, despite undergoing divorce proceedings that will likely leave him penniless, alone, and eventually suicidal. “The kids just love it when I do self-deprecating…

“Spring” Semester Also Cold

Nooz Staff10 years ago10 years ago01 mins

ITHACA, NY-Upon returning to campus this week, freshmen were surprised to learn that this semester would also be cold. “Of course I had heard a lot about Ithaca’s infamous winters, but I figured the spring semester would be warmer,” said Francesca Napoli ’17, whose hometown of Millburn, New Jersey features four distinct seasons. “I typically…

“GET ON THE GROUND AND BEG LIKE THE DOG YOU ARE!” Most Merciful Chem Professor Grants Extra Credit Opportunity

Cornell Football Player Drafted to NFL Proves that Coaches Should Be Tested for Brain Damage Too

“Does Your Mother Cry Because Her Daughter Is An Idiot?” Chem TA Compliments Curious Review Session Attendee

“There’s a Day Hall?” Asks a Confused Martha Pollack Wandering Onto Campus for the Third Time This Year

President Pollack Wishes a Happy Mother’s Day to All of the Students Whom she Denied Reproductive Healthcare

President Pollack Suggests Fired Starbucks Workers Just Ask “Vice Barista” To Do All The Hard Stuff

January 22, 2014

Amid Divorce, Fun Professor Prepares First Day Of Class Jokes

“Spring” Semester Also Cold