March 10, 2014 – CU Nooz

Headlines

“GET ON THE GROUND AND BEG LIKE THE DOG YOU ARE!” Most Merciful Chem Professor Grants Extra Credit Opportunity
3 days ago
Cornell Football Player Drafted to NFL Proves that Coaches Should Be Tested for Brain Damage Too
4 days ago
“Does Your Mother Cry Because Her Daughter Is An Idiot?” Chem TA Compliments Curious Review Session Attendee
12 months ago12 months ago
“There’s a Day Hall?” Asks a Confused Martha Pollack Wandering Onto Campus for the Third Time This Year
12 months ago12 months ago
President Pollack Wishes a Happy Mother’s Day to All of the Students Whom she Denied Reproductive Healthcare
12 months ago12 months ago
President Pollack Suggests Fired Starbucks Workers Just Ask “Vice Barista” To Do All The Hard Stuff
12 months ago12 months ago

Look, This Isn’t Working out, I’m Just Really into Museums Right Now: An Open Letter To Campus from President Skorton

Nooz Staff10 years ago05 mins

Listen, Cornell, these past eight years have been great. I mean, like, really great. But I just feel like we’re going in circles. Right now I’m looking for someone who can help me grow, and grow with me, someone like…oh, I don’t know, an official United States museum network. It’s the same thing every year,…

CU Nooz’s Student Assembly Election Predictions

Nooz Staff10 years ago05 mins

With Student Assembly elections currently underway, political analysts are calling this year’s campaigns some of the most highly contested in history. Here are the CU Nooz political team’s predictions: S.A. President: Sarah Balik. Thaddeus Talbot’s weak ankles and poor reflexes will be too much for him to overcome in the physical portion of…