April 15, 2014 – CU Nooz

Headlines

Frat With No Pledges Handing Out Sad Little Pamphlets Outside Dining Hall Like An A Capella Group
12 months ago12 months ago
Up Your Ass and Around the Corner: Finding your Classroom in Uris Hall
12 months ago5 months ago
Stickless Big Round Puck Hockey Team Wins Match
12 months ago12 months ago
And How Urgent Is This Issue?” Says Landlord After Microwave Begins Leaking Sewage
12 months ago12 months ago
OP-ED: Why You Should Rush Manson Family Phi This Semester
1 year ago1 year ago
Aw! The Army of Roaches in the Walls of Your Apartment are Thrilled to Have you Back From Break
1 year ago1 year ago

“What The Fuck” Forecasted for This Week

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago01 mins

The National Weather Service has issued a severe weather warning to residents of Tompkins county due to high chances of what the fuck. Meteorologists say that during the coming days there is an 80% chance of bullshit, with a strong god dammit coming from the north at 12 mph. Temperatures will drop as low as…

Study: Ho Plaza Eye Contact Found to Be Deadly

Nooz Staff11 years ago11 years ago02 mins

ITHACA, NY – In a cross-department study performed by sociology professor Howard Lipton and tenured biology researcher Dr. Mangold Biggins, the longstanding Cornell practice of making eye contact on Ho Plaza has been deemed a certain cause of death. According to Lipton and Biggins, the human body goes into immediate cardiac arrest when even a…