March 3, 2015 – CU Nooz

Headlines

Cornell Football Player Drafted to NFL Proves that Coaches Should Be Tested for Brain Damage Too
16 hours ago
“Does Your Mother Cry Because Her Daughter Is An Idiot?” Chem TA Compliments Curious Review Session Attendee
12 months ago12 months ago
“There’s a Day Hall?” Asks a Confused Martha Pollack Wandering Onto Campus for the Third Time This Year
12 months ago12 months ago
President Pollack Wishes a Happy Mother’s Day to All of the Students Whom she Denied Reproductive Healthcare
12 months ago12 months ago
President Pollack Suggests Fired Starbucks Workers Just Ask “Vice Barista” To Do All The Hard Stuff
12 months ago12 months ago
OP-ED: It’s Okay to Not Pay Outdoor Education Workers Because They’re So Good at Foraging for What They Need (by President Martha Pollack)
12 months ago12 months ago

Spring Only 3 Weeks Away According to Bullshit

Nooz Staff9 years ago01 mins

ARTS QUAD – Although the first day of Spring is technically less than three weeks away, students are calling bullshit. “If it’s still freezing and snowing every third day, it’s not Spring. That’s horseshit,” explained senior Derrick Fontaine, who noted that any claim that Spring is closer than 6 weeks away is utter and complete…

X Disease Plagues Greek System

Nooz Staff9 years ago02 mins

GANNETT—Cornell Health Services has been overwhelmed by a sudden outbreak of the X Disease. Over the past week, a steady increase of students, particularly those involved in the Greek system, have been affected by this contagious wave of hand-rashes. The common name for this disease derives from the defining shape of the rash, yet the…