March 3, 2015

X Disease Plagues Greek System

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GANNETT—Cornell Health Services has been overwhelmed by a sudden outbreak of the X Disease.  Over the past week, a steady increase of students, particularly those involved in the Greek system, have been affected by this contagious wave of hand-rashes.

The common name for this disease derives from the defining shape of the rash, yet the color and size of the X can vary significantly. The typical ‘X’ shape is oftentimes nearly unrecognizable. The rash is typically found on the back of one hand and it usually fades after five to seven days.  Besides this mark, other symptoms include weakened balance, blurred vision, headaches, and unusual attire.

Students with prelims in the upcoming days seem to have developed an immunity to this disease, while those who have no exams approaching are highly susceptible.

The disease seems to correlate with age, with students under 21 contracting the illness at a much higher rate, although some underage students have escaped from parties with their hands mysteriously unscathed.

“We don’t have nearly enough Advil and alcohol swabs to cure this disease,” remarks Gannett physician Dr. Kenneth Hill.  “We highly advise all to stay clear of the cars offering rides by RPCC, as this location seems to be a hot spot for contraction.”

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