Stickless Big Round Puck Hockey Team Wins Match

BARTELS RINK—Enthusiastic and slightly confused Cornell sports fans packed the stands this past weekend at what some called “the strangest hockey game ever.”

“I’d never seen anything like it,” shared Connel McMillen ‘25. “The ice rink was rectangular and the players didn’t have hockey sticks. The puck was round and orange and they sort of bounced it around the rink? The biggest difference though was probably that this hockey team won their game! Super exciting changes!”

The coach of Cornell’s alternative hockey team shared that he had never seen such a turnout for a game but is thrilled that the student body is starting to take notice of other talented groups on campus besides Cornell’s ice hockey team.

“To be honest, I didn’t realize that Cornell had other hockey teams. But after this weekend’s game, I have really gotten into stickless-big-round-puck hockey and even other hockeys like kick-round-puck-with-feet hockey and row-long-boat-fast hockey,” commented Aaron Patil ‘27.

Even Cornell’s regular puck-with-stick-on-ice hockey team showed their support for their stickless, orange puck wielding brothers this past Saturday, with signs that read “Hockey Rules! Basketball Drools!” A heartwarming sentiment, although students were a bit puzzled by the second statement.

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