Tag Archives: Freshman Year

Brag Much? Area Freshman Puts Sock on Doorknob of Single

DONLON HALL—Despite having no roommates, Justin Palmer ’23  proudly displayed a sock on the doorknob of his hallway single after receiving female company late Wednesday evening.  A sock on the doorknob, the widely-recognized warning signal to returning roommates of ongoing sexual activity, has traditionally been viewed as unnecessary when only Read More

Freshman Who Thinks He’s Cool for Having 20 AP Credits Still Can’t Place Out of Being Lonely

LOW RISE 6—Although Evan Hammond ‘23 arrived at Cornell with enough AP credits to skip most of his basic engineering requirements, his high school efforts still haven’t been enough to alleviate the all-consuming loneliness he has felt the past two weeks. “All my hard work in high school really paid Read More

Balls-to-Wall Freshman Takes Mind Map Notes During First Lecture

URIS HALL G01—In his first Intro to Cognitive Science lecture this week, locked-and-loaded freshman Daniel Fabre ‘23 went completely balls-to-the-wall utilizing the mind mapping advanced note-taking technique. “I didn’t have my notebook out while we were going over the syllabus, but then I glanced over to my left and I Read More

Libe Cafe Haunted House Includes Freshman Orientation Group Asking to Hang Out Sometime

LIBE CAFE, ITHACA, NY— Enrique Gomez ‘19 found himself gripped by the spirit of Halloween when a harmless Libe cafe study break brought him face to face with everyone he stopped talking to the second day of freshman year. “Most of the Halloween tchotchke doesn’t faze me all that much… Read More

Freshman Can’t Wait to Tell Parents About New Friends She’ll Drop Before Thanksgiving

CLARA DICKSON HALL—After having met so many people since arriving at college, Michelle Taylor ‘22 is reportedly dying to return to her hometown this Fall Break and tell her parents all about the new college friends who won’t be a part of her life in two months’ time. “I’m so Read More

OP-ED: I Hate Freshmen, Except If They Want to Join My Club

I want to make one thing very clear—I cannot stand freshmen for a literal second. They’re brand new here, but as soon as those colored light strips go up in Jameson, they just strut around acting like they deserve the world. Freshmen stop in the middle of the sidewalk because Read More

Forty-Two Uncomfortable Freshman Receive “The Talk” From Concerned RA

HIGH RISE 5—Squirming in their seats as they sat cross-legged on the couch, forty-two uncomfortable freshmen received the “birds and the bees” talk from concerned Resident Advisor Carlie Solotoff on Monday afternoon. “You might notice some changes going on with your body, but just know that it’s totally normal,” Solotoff Read More

Martha Pollack Reads The Very Hungry Caterpillar to Students at Orientation

DAY HALL—To foster loving relationships with those on campus before the semester begins, President Martha Pollack has decided to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to students at Orientation. “Reading books with wholesome themes to our young ones encourages academic excellence and teaches mutual respect,” explained Pollack with a nurturing and Read More