Tag Archives: Freshman Year

Forty-Two Uncomfortable Freshman Receive “The Talk” From Concerned RA

HIGH RISE 5—Squirming in their seats as they sat cross-legged on the couch, forty-two uncomfortable freshmen received the “birds and the bees” talk from concerned Resident Advisor Carlie Solotoff on Monday afternoon. “You might notice some changes going on with your body, but just know that it’s totally normal,” Solotoff Read More

Martha Pollack Reads The Very Hungry Caterpillar to Students at Orientation

DAY HALL—To foster loving relationships with those on campus before the semester begins, President Martha Pollack has decided to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar to students at Orientation. “Reading books with wholesome themes to our young ones encourages academic excellence and teaches mutual respect,” explained Pollack with a nurturing and Read More

Report: North Campus Has Not Gotten Smaller Despite Claims from Seniors

NORTH CAMPUS — Citing evidence compiled from a poll of 2,564 seniors who have revisited North Campus since their Freshman year, a report published Tuesday by the Cornell University Survey Research Institute claims that, despite common perception, North Campus has not shrunk in size over the past three years. According Read More

Freshmen Waiting for School Bell To Go Off After Lecture

GOLDWIN-SMITH HALL —  At the end of their first class of the day, students in Professor Stuart Davis’ Freshman Writing Seminar waited an extra ten minutes past 11:00 for the school bell to ring and signal dismissal to go to next period’s class. “Are they broken today?” asked Stuart Frye Read More

Freshman Faking Allergies to Live in Mews Deemed ‘Bratty’ by Roommate Using Alumni Connections

NORTH CAMPUS — Legacy admit Ella Anderson ‘20 has accused her roommate Stephanie Park ‘20 of being a “brat” for making up her mold allergies to live in Mews Hall, the newest dorm on North Campus, instead of leveraging powerful alumni connections. “Who would go so far as to petition Read More

Freshman Ready for Adult Responsibilities Just Months After Asking Permission to Use Bathroom

MEWS HALL – After arriving on campus and bidding tear-filled goodbyes to her parents, incoming Cornell freshman Danielle Fischer ‘20 allegedly considered herself ready to take on major responsibilities, just a few months after needing to ask her high school Spanish teacher for permission to use the bathroom. “Now that Read More

Freshman From Montana Excited To Be Forever Known as Person From Montana

MEWS HALL – Upon telling her new floormates that she was originally from Bozeman, Montana, freshman Diane Hollis ’20 is reportedly excited to be referred to as “that person from Montana” for the remainder of her collegiate career. “Hey, you must be that girl from Montana, right? Oh cool,” said Read More