DONLON HALL — The entirety of Cornell University experienced a power outage earlier this afternoon, a campus-wide problem that has now been attributed to freshman Johnny Ribb ’19 using a spider lamp in his Donlon single dorm room.
“See? I told you! I told you spider lamps were dangerous!” announced Donlon third floor RA Ryan Ploughson ’18, referring to a warning he had administered last August to the whole floor, which at the time fell mostly on deaf ears.
“According to university policy, spider lamps are strictly prohibited because of their high energy needs. Clearly the total energy consumption of the Cornell campus is not enough to handle the enormous requirements of this terrifying piece of unpredictable technology.”
While the power outage raised alarm amongst students and faculty alike, real panic began to set in when it was later discovered that a poster had been hung too close to the ceiling in Jameson.