GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Despite the rumors that the humanities are dead, faculty and students at Cornell firmly believe that they are, in fact, only sleeping.
“It’s only natural that the humanities would need a break,” explained Art History Professor Nick Chen. “They mattered for thousands of years, and a discipline can’t go on mattering like that forever. At some point they just need a deep, dreamless rest. But not in a dead way.”
Humanities majors across the College of Arts and Sciences are insistent that not only will disciplines like History soon have a Renaissance, but also that fellow students will eventually stop making fun of their majors.
“In my philosophy class, we’ve discussed philosophies of death from Plato to Heidegger,” said Aiden Woodcomb ‘19. “Death is a truth of life. It’s absolutely undeniable; you cannot deny when a thing is dead. But anyway, yeah, the humanities are totally fine and I’ll definitely find a job soon.”
Although students passionately maintain that the humanities are only sleeping, Foundations of Modern Literature hasn’t had class in two weeks and it seems pretty certain that the professor is actually dead.