Financial Aid Gives All Students $3 and a PepsiCo Product as Apology for Thousands of Unoffered Aid Dollars

DAY HALL—Following the announcement of a federal lawsuit accusing Cornell of conspiring to withhold adequate financial aid, Cornell University has offered penance in the form of shelling out further to the university corporate sponsors. “We know this looks bad, but we are committed to making things right,” said Director of Financial Aid Jenn Mackrel ‘84….

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Students Eager to Return to Newly Financially-Stable ‘Cornell University, A Pepsi Company’

DAY HALL—Following a surprise press conference Thursday morning, university stakeholders are reportedly responding positively to President Martha Pollack’s announcement that PepsiCo has officially acquired Cornell University in a deal that has rebalanced the university’s finances amid a period of great economic uncertainty.  University stakeholders have been weighing in from all sides with overwhelmingly favorable responses…

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