Trendy Multicolored Scarf No Match for Arctic Windchill

ARTS QUAD—Throughout Upstate New York, arctic blast weather patterns have produced extreme outdoor conditions, subzero windchills, and heavy winter precipitation. The dangerously low temperatures have forced students across campus to deploy advanced protective gear: trendy little multicolored scarves.  “On one hand, the Real Feel is -30 degrees,” reasoned Eileen Martin ‘28. “On the other, I…

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Okenshields Fork Crust Applauded for Contributions to Biodiversity Research

OKENSHIELDS—In a discovery that shocked the Cornell scientific community, researcher Monica Pondey found the Ecology department’s next major breakthrough as it was mere seconds away from being plunged into her Friday lunch.  “Based on the color or texture I was about to eat either mac and cheese, stir fry, or soup,” recalled Pondey. “Nevertheless, inspiration…

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Professor Adds Epstein Files Acknowledgement to Email Signature

ITHACA, NY—On Monday morning, Samuel Whitmore ’27, a student in Professor Daniel Sarver’s Ethics in Business course, noticed something different when he received an email from his professor. Near the close of the message, students were met with an additional paragraph between Sarver’s office location and the university’s standard land acknowledgement.  “I live and work…

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Cornell Engineering Debuts ‘This Is What A David Duffield Looks Like’ Shirt

DUFFIELD HALL—Following a historic donation from David A. Duffield ’62, MBA ’64, the College of Engineering has edited the text of its iconic  “This Is What A Cornell Engineer Looks Like” to instead read “This Is What A David Duffield Looks Like.” The change, the College of Engineering says, will recognize Duffield for his enormous…

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