Citing your apparent interest in films with poorly written scripts and subpar performers, Cornell department issued a press release today calling your taste in pornography “simply atrocious.” “It is almost painful for us to look through [your] web history everyday and see that [you] just watch the first three films that pop up on Pornhub’s…
WASHINGTON- In a press release Wednesday, the Smithsonian announced that as his first act as secretary, David Skorton planned to remove all dinosaur bone displays and other exhibits that could be considered fun from the institution’s museums. “The Smithsonian is an institution of higher learning. This is no place for an absolutely awesome, fully-assembled triceratops…
ITHACA– Reports are surfacing that on Sunday morning, current freshman Eric Holt woke up to find himself sleeping on a couch in his dorm’s lounge rather than in his bed. Within a few seconds of waking up, Holt remembered why: he had been sexiled, or sexually exiled, by his pre-frosh guest, Jonny Dixon. The…
