Citing your apparent interest in films with poorly written scripts and subpar performers, Cornell department issued a press release today calling your taste in pornography “simply atrocious.”
“It is almost painful for us to look through [your] web history everyday and see that [you] just watch the first three films that pop up on Pornhub’s homepage,” the statement says. “How can [you] possibly ignore the dreadful cinematography quality?”
The press release goes on to mention your seeming ignorance of directors who are pushing the boundaries of the genre, your disregard for emerging performers, and your complete lack of interest in films made from 1970-1975, the “Golden Age of Pornography.”
“[Do you] even want to find well made features?” the statement asks. “Or is this all part of some plan to remain uncultured indefinitely?”
“It’s a sign of the times, when we monitored students internet use in the mid 2000’s, most were actively engaged in finding high quality work,” sighed Cornell CIO Tedd Dodds while browsing your private Facebook messages. “Now you’d be lucky to find one enlightened student on the entire campus. This is the beginning of the end for the genre.”
At press time, CIT added expressed frustration that your email and online banking passwords were “insecure” and “totally obvious.”
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