September 15, 2014

Headlines

Cornell Football Player Drafted to NFL Proves that Coaches Should Be Tested for Brain Damage Too
7 hours ago
“Does Your Mother Cry Because Her Daughter Is An Idiot?” Chem TA Compliments Curious Review Session Attendee
12 months ago12 months ago
“There’s a Day Hall?” Asks a Confused Martha Pollack Wandering Onto Campus for the Third Time This Year
12 months ago12 months ago
President Pollack Wishes a Happy Mother’s Day to All of the Students Whom she Denied Reproductive Healthcare
12 months ago12 months ago
President Pollack Suggests Fired Starbucks Workers Just Ask “Vice Barista” To Do All The Hard Stuff
12 months ago12 months ago
OP-ED: It’s Okay to Not Pay Outdoor Education Workers Because They’re So Good at Foraging for What They Need (by President Martha Pollack)
12 months ago12 months ago

Cornell Plants Baby Clock Tower On Arts Quad

Nooz Staff10 years ago10 years ago02 mins

ARTS QUAD — In an effort to eventually create a campus full of the iconic timekeepers, Cornell surprised students this past weekend by planting a new, baby clock tower in the middle of the Arts Quad. “Clock towers are very rare around this area, and we saw an opportunity to increase the aesthetic diversity of…

CUPD Replaces All Crime Names With More Pleasant Terms

Nooz Staff10 years ago10 years ago02 mins

BARTON HALL — The CUPD announced last Friday that they have successfully eliminated the word “assault” from their vocabulary. “We’re pleased to announce that we have successfully removed the word “assault” from all of our written and verbal interactions, both within the department and with the public,” explained spokeswoman Ginette Vargas. “We’re also pleased to…