BEEBE LAKE — During a time at which countless freshman often feel lost and homesick, many incoming California students felt comforted and right at home during the recent drought in Ithaca.
“They say you never realize what you will miss most about home until it is too late,” Golden State student Jack Reynolds stated, “For me, it is the droughts and the wildfires that make my hometown so beautiful. Just imagine the sweet smell of firewood as several thousand acres burn to the ground and all the while there not being enough water to put it out.”
Other students from the West Coast have found similar comfort from the drought, though some lament the lack of rainfall for not being enough to cause a horrendous mudslide like back home.
In an attempt to further make Bear Flag State students feel at home, the California Student Association will host a sleepover at the Thurston Hall earthquake simulation lab next Tuesday.
ITHACA TRAIL – After a long and arduous academic year, dozens of Cornellians have decided to pack up and head on West in search of prosperity and a new life for their kinfolk this summer.
“I heard there’s better opportunities out yonder,” pondered Charlie O’Brien 17’, as he was adjusting the iron skein of his wagon bed, “I heard that you can see the sun every day out in Californee’, and tech and start-up jobs just be aboundin’ out the valleys from the brim.”
Hopes of a promised-land out West have led many Cornellians to renounce their allegiance to Ithaca, and join O’Brien’s Big Red wagon train in search for their hope and big dreams of becoming the next fancyman like Mark Zuckerberg.
“Wise ole’ Charlie be a leadin’ us to new lands of unlimited start-up venture capital,” said Sammie Todd ’18, churning her butter strainer in preparation for the 5 ½ hour flight, “I just know out in Californee’ we gonna get funded.”
O’Brien and his disciples soon turned around after discovering the price of average San Francisco apartments on Zillow.