discrimination

Application Discrimination Against Students With Depression Finally Explains Cornell’s Notoriously Good Mental Health

Nooz Staff2 years ago03 mins

THURSTON AVENUE—In light of accusations that Cornell discriminates against students who disclose mental health struggles in their college applications, students and administrators were excited to finally have a parsimonious explanation for the school’s well-known gaiety. “Friends at other schools always ask me why students at Cornell seem so happy and satisfied with life, and I’ve…

“I’m Not Sure If They’ll Let Me Say This These Days,” Says Senior Lecturer About to Say Most Horrifying Thing You’ve Ever Heard

Nooz Staff3 years ago3 years ago02 mins

PHILLIPS HALL—Students were left horrified this Tuesday after senior lecturer Timothy Ostgarden paused his 8 am lecture to remark, “Now, I’m not sure if they’ll let me say these days,” before embarking on a thirty minute screed against women, minorities, the LGBT community, and the Irish. “I’m disappointed in Dr. Ostgarden, to be honest,” said…

OpaVote? Hell Yeah, I Love Gangnam Style!

“Then Came Locusts, Vermin, and Wild Beasts!” Says Review of Collegetown Apartment

CU Nooz Editorial Board Endorses John McNair (Sophomore, Forest Hills High School) for Model UN Secretary General

Cornell Outdoor Education Lends Tents, Tarps to Admitted Students

“It’s Been the Best Four Years of My Life!” Admitted Student Tour Guides Notably Excluded From Freedom of Speech Protections

Student Receives Journal and Therapy, Stops Writing for Daily Sun Opinion Section

Application Discrimination Against Students With Depression Finally Explains Cornell’s Notoriously Good Mental Health

“I’m Not Sure If They’ll Let Me Say This These Days,” Says Senior Lecturer About to Say Most Horrifying Thing You’ve Ever Heard