Nasties Features French Menu to Boost Dining Ratings

LES NÉCESSITÉS DE L’OURS— Responding to a lower ranking on the latest college dining reviews, the culinary team behind the counter at Nasties decided to rewrite the menu entirely in French to boost their ratings.

“It’s the same old Nasties we know and love, just organized a little differently with classics like our bâtonnets de mozzarella now featured in the Hors D’oeuvres section,” explained recently-promoted sous chef de cuisine and long-time deep-frier Brenda McGowen. “Rest assured, your late night pépites de poulet from the grillades are going nowhere.”

Sources confirmed that the establishment’s management team has required all staff members to speak exclusively in French to inform patrons when their orders are ready.

“Édouard! ÉDOUARD!!!!” an employee bellowed across the kitchen to a pleasantly confused Ed Walker ’19. “Vos frites sont prêtes!”

Finally satisfied with his Cornell Dining experience, Walker was seen using a plastic fork and knife to cut his chili cheese fries into bite-sized pieces and praising Nasties on Yelp for excellent ambiance.

Sam. SAM. SAAAAAM Comes to Counter at Nasties After Six Hours

BEAR NECESSITIES — Finally taking off his headphones, freshman HEY IS THERE A SAM HERE? came to the Nasties counter last night to pick up his chicken tenders six hours after they were first ready.

After about fifteen minutes of calling from the Nasties screamer, the other students in the grill began a series of futile efforts to tear the attention of SAM PLEASE away from Snapchat, including frantic waving, gentle taps on the shoulder, and air horns aimed directly at his face.

By the fourth hour, the attempts to get the chicken tenders home to their rightful stomach were abandoned, and JESUS CHRIST SAM COME ON was presumed braindead.

Upon receiving his chicken tenders, FINALLY OH MY GOD remarked, “They’re cold,” and threw them in the garbage.