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Headlines

OP-ED: You And I Both Know Our Construction Team Can’t Handle Building A Pathway In Ezra’s Tunnel
7 years ago7 years ago
Student Who Bleeds Big Red Sadly Returns Latest Nike Shoes
7 years ago
Report: Holy Shit, It’s Wednesday
7 years ago7 years ago
Student at Summer Internship Drops Fourth Hint of Day That He Goes to Cornell
8 years ago
Professors Notice Increase in Student Motivation To Be the Very Best, Like No One Ever Was
8 years ago8 years ago
Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks
8 years ago8 years ago

Campus Professional Fraternities Compete to See Who Can Most Creatively Reject Students of Color

Nooz Staff3 years ago03 mins

WARREN HALL—During a rush season that was stressful for everyone, Cornell professional fraternities had a particularly difficult time competing with each other to see who could come up with the most ingenious excuse for yet another class of inductees looking like an assortment of Michael Cera’s stunt doubles, but without any of the charisma. “Look,…

Honoring Black History Month, Professor Pledges to Continue Using Blackboard This Semester

Nooz Staff5 years ago5 years ago02 mins

ROCKEFELLER HALL—In an effort to show solidarity with his Black students during Black History Month, Anthropology Professor Bradley Haynes announced that he will refuse to switch from Blackboard to Canvas this semester. While many professors are not opting to switch platforms until Spring 2020, Professor Haynes said his choice will show students that he is…