Nooz Staff August 28, 2018

Linear Algebra Professor Spends Unsolicited Monologue Telling Students He Will Not Issue Trigger Warnings

MALOTT HALL—During the first class period Monday, Professor Robert Tolkan informed MATH 2940 students that he will not warn them before discussing any mathematical concept covered in the course.

“Consider this your trigger warning,” said Tolkan as he strutted up and down the aisles of the lecture hall, attempting to look at each student in the eye. “It is my responsibility to prepare you for life after graduation, when no one will be there to shield you from matrices.”

Tolkan conceded that no student has ever requested that he give trigger warnings in Linear Algebra, but said he nevertheless is “prepared for the inevitable moment when one of you entitled students comes crying about how you don’t like hearing about eigenvectors.”

According to multiple sources in the class, the section on the syllabus saying Tolkan “does not believe any ‘space’ should be ‘safe’ from free speech” is immediately followed by a note that any student who contacts his personal email will be dropped from the course.

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