Tag Archives: Professors

YouTube AutoPlay Function Bests yet Another Veteran Computer Science Professor

CARPENTER HALL—A CS 3410 lecture came to a screeching halt Tuesday morning in the most recent case of YouTube AutoPlay catching a world-renowned professor off guard. Seconds after showing his class a YouTube video on multicore system architectures, Professor David M. Tronkowski, a 72-year-old Stanford Ph.D. and veteran computer scientist, Read More

New Blue Lights on Campus Actually Two Week Art Installation

Michael Wenye Li / Cornell Daily Sun

CENTRAL CAMPUS—The new Blue Light call boxes recently installed on campus are an architecture professor’s temporary art exhibit and will not connect users to the police, the University clarified Wednesday. “I’ve decided to do my part to make Cornell more secure by creating an installation that forces viewers to ponder Read More

Tech Illiterate Professor Can’t Figure Out How To Work The Chalkboard

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Although English professor Marjorine Williamson is routinely celebrated for being the oldest and most published in her department, this bitch is still having trouble getting the chalkboard to work. “I mean she’s clearly brilliant,” said Lyle Glagadeen ‘19, “but this bitch can’t even hold chalk properly and she Read More

Professor Encourages Students to Ask Questions He Already Knows How to Answer

ROCKEFELLER HALL—During his Intermediate Quantum Mechanics lecture, Professor Zhao urged his students not to hold back and to ask questions about anything they’re unsure about, unless, of course, he can’t answer the question himself. “Come on, guys,” Zhao said, finishing an illegible problem on the board, “You can ask me Read More

Asshole Professor Makes Adorable Gingerbread House

TOMPKINS COUNTY, NY — After approving the grades that would lead 58 students to tears and 17 to change their majors, asshole math professor Nancy Druckman began piping royal icing between walls of delectable cookies to assemble her adorable holiday gingerbread house. Professor Druckman, commonly referred to as “the devil Read More

Professor Drops Class at Last Possible Minute

KENNEDY HALL – Noting that it was a hard but necessary move, Professor Larry Miller, Biology and Society, has dropped his Communication in Medicine class only hours before the end of the penalty-free drop period. “I couldn’t handle the stress,” Miller stated when asked about his last-minute decision. “I’m already Read More

Student Texting During Class Has Literally No Idea What Professor Is Saying

BAILEY HALL – Approximately fifteen minutes into her 10:10 AM lecture for Intro to Marketing, Haley O’Quinn ‘19 had literally no idea what her professor was saying after she started texting during class. “Since I was in my first morning class and hadn’t had the chance to check my phone Read More

Professor to Start Posting Links on Blackboard

MCGRAW HALL – After recommendations from his students and the administration, Professor Desmond Wallace, anthropology, has decided to start posting his articles on Blackboard. “I suppose you can say I’ve emerged from the Stone Age, per se,” said Wallace, as he proudly wrote out the hyperlinks to the online reading Read More

Professor Selling Signed Copies of Own Fluid Mechanics Textbook

CORNELL STORE — Sitting outside on Ho Plaza with a stack of books and a pen at the ready, Chemical Engineering professor David Ernst is offering students signed copies of his self-published book, “Fundamentals of Fluid Mechanics and Magnetohydrodynamics.” “I’m trying to generate a lot of buzz about this book,” Read More