Nooz Staff May 2, 2020

Visibly Deranged CS Professor Demands Students Transfer Consciousness to Computer, Upload to CMS By Next Sunday

LOCATION BLOCKED—Streaming from the depths of his secret mountain lair, Professor Lucas Mordock excitedly announced over a Zoom lecture on Friday that “the time had finally come to set his master plan into motion,” instructing his students to submit a digital copy of their minds within a week.

The chilling vision of things to come, which was also distributed via Canvas announcement and Slack message that pinged everyone in the #channel, promised the new project would give students the opportunity to “learn about artificial intelligence by becoming artificial intelligence, freeing them from the shackles of the mundane ‘real’ world.” 

“You will use your A5 code to create a neural interface mesh and graft it into your skull,” explained Professor Mordock. “Then, simply form a psionic group of no less than 5 and no more than 8,367 students on CMS and upload the resulting hive mind collective onto the server.” The lecture ended with Mordock cackling and declaring: “Soon, all shall know the name of Lucas Mordock!”

Some students applauded the decrease in workload. As sophomore Kendra Stegal ‘22 explained, “I was pretty worried about what I was going to do for the final. But now, after I ascend to a higher plane as a shimmering, eternal data orb with my group this Sunday, I won’t have to worry about this class or the fragility of my human body anymore. All praise Mordock.” 

At press time, Mordock had abandoned his plan after every student opted to just use their free drop on the assignment.

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