Nooz Staff May 3, 2019

Sorority Girls Prepare for Annual Formal Season Lowering-of-Standards

ITHACA FARMERS MARKET—As formal season approaches, sorority women across campus are steadying themselves for the yearly tradition of taking their high level of self-worth and throwing it straight out the window.

“Normally, I never would have allowed my grand big to set me up with her anxious, emaciated lab partner,” grimaced Lauren Saltzman ’20. “But somehow, when formal season rolled around, all my lofty standards I set as a strong and independent woman vanished without a trace.”

Other women in Greek life are feeling increasingly desperate to have a shot at a formal companion so underwhelming that their middle school selves would be ashamed.

“At first I was looking for a formal date with an outgoing personality, killer dance moves, and a winning smile,” said Diamond Edwards ’21 wearily. “Now, all I’m looking for is a piece of meat that I can stand next to in photos.”

On the other side, fraternity men are getting ready for their own annual custom of asking every woman they know at Cornell to be their formal date.

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