Nooz Staff November 7, 2019

President Pollack Submits Proposal to Unify and Rebrand All 7 Colleges as “Cornell University”

DAY HALL—President Martha Pollack announced her proposal to unify all seven of the undergraduate colleges under the name “Cornell University” in a press conference this Tuesday.

“After the merger, students will finally be able to study arts, sciences, engineering, architecture, planning, agricultural sciences, life sciences, human ecology, hotel administration, and industrial and labor relations all in the same institution,” said Pollack. “We are absolutely thrilled to be the pioneers of interdisciplinary study for universities across the world.”

Press conference attendees were generally impressed, though some had concerns that  students won’t be able to identify with the name “Cornell University.”

“There aren’t any other prevalent issues more worthy of our attention. Unifying the seven colleges is definitely the best thing we can do to benefit our soon-to-be university,” Pollack later said.

As of press time, Pollack is in the process of devising a motto for the new institution that declares “‘different students can study different things,’ or something like that.”

Like This!