Awwwww: Poor Guest Speaker Lecturing His Little Heart Out Oblivious to Entire Lecture Clearly Playing Poptropica

IVES HALL–On Wednesday afternoon, the students of Introduction to Oceanography received rave reviews from guest speaker Dr. Thomas Rolland.

“In my many years of guest lecturing about the beauties and wonders of silt, I have never seen a class more excited or engaged,” declared Rolland. “The moment Professor Monger said that the content of my lecture would not be on the next prelim, every student took out their computer and began dutifully taking notes.”

The students radiated enthusiasm, occasionally cheering and shouting out things like “GO COLOSSAL SAND,” and “You can do it, Foolish Tide!”

Rolland noted that, despite their excitement, students were fairly ignorant on the presented topics: “Despite common misconceptions, there are several key differences between silt and sand, and tide is something else entirely.”

Students reported that like Professor Rolland, they were elated by the class: “BROOO IT WAS CRAZY!” exclaimed Kyle Kaine ’25. “I have never seen anything like that in my entire life. I mean, the gameplay was absurd! I lost my shit when Ominous Weasel raw-dogged defeating Zeus on Mythology Island. I mean, I totally had to tutorial that shit on YouTube.”

Violet Johnson ’23 agreed: “There were some truly incredible skills on display Wednesday. I actually can’t believe that Beefer Jester completed survival island! I get voted off every single time I play.” She elaborated, “I am morally opposed to using YouTube tutorials to succeed. Some people will do literally anything for those sweet, sweet medallions and frankly, it’s disgusting.”

Professor Rolland has reportedly been invited back to guest lecture next week. He is looking forward to instructing students on another area of his vast expertise, islands disappearing due to climate change: “Disappearing islands is an issue that affects us all. I gathered plenty of data on it during my blimp research expedition in 2018.”